Seth Fried's Absolute-Bare-Minimum-Blog Blog

My Form Acceptance Speech

2012-01-23T13:32:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that you have decided to give me an award. Congratulations! This decision clearly reflects well on your organization. However, because of the sheer volume of awards I receive, I regret that I am unable to respond to your award notification personally. Do not misunderstand me: I am accepting the award. I am simply writing to inform you -- or, rather, this blog post is writing to inform you that I will be unable to attend your ceremony or accept the award in person. If you like, I would be happy to display the trophy/plaque/medal attached to this award in my den. Though, that service is associated with a small storage fee to be paid by your organization monthly, as space in my den is limited.

As a gesture of my appreciation, below I have included the text of an acceptance speech that may be read aloud at your ceremony. In terms of who should read the speech, I suggest that you choose the most attractive person in your town or, ideally, a person wearing a mask made to look like my face. If you do not have time to fashion a Seth-mask, I will be happy to mail you a disposable, paper Seth-mask (I have plenty) in time for your ceremony. Though, again, this service is associated with a small fee.

Text of speech:

"I would sincerely like to thank [name of organization] for presenting me with this award. If there were other nominees, it was an honor to be nominated alongside them. If there were no other nominees who qualified to win this award, that makes a bit more sense.

I would also like to thank all the big, important, sexy people that helped make my success possible. Remember when we were all standing on the roof of that hotel drinking champagne and laughing about how everyone other than us is really just a bunch of chumps? Me too! See you all at the regatta.

As far as the little people are concerned, I have absolutely nothing to say to you... Except maybe thanks for opening up the doors of buildings when you see me walking toward them.

Due to a matter that is still in litigation, I am unable to thank my parents publicly. Until they comply with the terms outlined in my petition, I cannot confirm their role in my success up to this point.

If there is any money attached to this award, I am pleased to announce that I plan on setting aside the entire amount in order to buy my mistress a series of elaborate gifts. If there isn't any money attached to the award, I will begrudgingly accept whatever cash the presenters might have on them."

After the speech is read, do your best to make sure that your audience applauds loudly. Audience members with either outgoing or introverted personalities should be encouraged to whoop or become misty-eyed respectively. Unattractive audience members should be encouraged to wear Seth-masks (fees apply). The person accepting the award on my behalf will be provided a mailing envelope with my address on it. Make sure that any money collected from the presenters is placed into this envelope and mailed to me. Though, take note, these funds cannot be applied to any fees you may have accrued in the course of presenting me with this award.

The Best Books of 1911

2011-12-29T16:20:00.000-05:00

A Nice Plain Piece of Wood by Richard Sussers

The Straight Poop by Lewis Nunthrow

How Dry Was Thy Hay by Esther Goyt

The Noble Sifter by C. Weatherlord Crumbjunk III

Monkey Trouble by Dr. Annabell Readwrite

About A Nickel's Worth by Lieutenant Rooster F. Woosh

The Hopping Duck of Catsmooch County by Myrtle Q. Flightrisk

A Bowl With Some Stamps In It by Frank Wedge, DDS

Pimple! by Josiah Welcott

The Curious Case of the Long, Eventless Afternoon by M. Scott Bleaklife

The Great Frustration eBook Giveaway

2011-12-25T13:07:00.000-05:00

The Great Frustration is now available for free in Amazon's Kindle Store. This discount will run until New Year's Day. Before I get into the reasoning behind the giveaway, I want to point out that you don't need to own a Kindle in order to grab your free copy of TGF. You can download a free Kindle App for your computer or smart phone or remedial phone or pod pad.

The idea to give away the book came from my editor at Counterpoint. I think it was a great one. Though, some people have asked me how I stand to benefit from it. In a strictly commercial sense, I don't. But if I had approached the act of writing fiction from a strictly commercial point of view, I doubt I would have written a collection of short stories. I wrote TGF because I wanted to engage in a moral and aesthetic dialogue with readers. Likewise, if Counterpoint were only out to make money, then they would probably devote their resources to publishing celebrity cookbooks and coffee table books with pictures of kittens crawling into and out of large baskets.

Distributing creative work is extremely difficult under capitalism. Art is supposed to challenge the status quo, whereas the purpose of the free market is to serve the status quo. This tends to result in art that is either dishonest, shallow and wildly successful or art that is honest, urgent and obscure. This giveaway seemed like an opportunity to make a small gesture against that paradigm.

A quick aside: I don't feel 100% comfortable stumping for the Kindle, but I do have to give credit to Amazon for having come up with a means to distribute my book for free to anyone with the ability to run an App. That's laudable. Another quick aside: All this talk of Apps is making me hungry

Happy Holidays!

Holiday Love

2011-12-18T20:28:00.000-05:00

The Great Frustration has been receiving some end-of-the-year love. Here's a quick rundown:

Michael Schaub over at The Millions said that The Great Frustration was the best book he read in 2011. The National Book Critics Circle's Critical Mass called TGF, "certainly one of the most original and startling short story collections of the year." McNally Jackson named it as one of their staff picks over at Gothamist. The MJ staff made special mention of my book due to its inclusion of, "science and sex and explosions." I believe what they meant was science and sexplosions. Opening Ceremony, Vol. 1 Brooklyn, Largehearted Boy, Flavorwire, Art Faccia, Heavy Feather Review, and Big Other all included TGF on their best of the year lists. The awesome Corinna Barsan also included a story from TGF in her list of favorite short stories over at Storyville. The also awesome Penina Roth included the same story in her list of favorites as well.

I'm deeply grateful to all of the above for their support of TGF. Thank you to anyone who read and/or talked about the book. I wish you all an excruciatingly happy, mind-bendingly joyful holiday season!

The Great Fraudstration

2011-12-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

As many of you already know, I have come under fire recently due to some issues regarding The Great Frustration, a book that I published early last year with Counterpoint Press/Soft Skull. This matter has already been written about a great deal, and before things develop further I just wanted to address the situation in my own words.

There has been some speculation that certain passages of my book were fictionalized for dramatic effect. As much as I would like to deny these allegations, the truth of the matter is that I can't. In fact, all of the accounts in The Great Frustration were fabricated. I made up the entire book.

I just want to take this opportunity to express my regret. I have let down my family, my friends, myself, and my countless, countless fans. But while the book is a work of pure fiction, I would like to point out that there are many kinds of truth. I hope that all the aspects of The Great Frustration that people have enjoyed until now won't be overshadowed by my poor judgement and dishonesty.

Sincerely,
Seth "Hambone" Fried

Flash Fridays: On Light

2011-11-11T13:38:00.001-05:00

Do you like short stories? Do you like really short stories? Do you like Tin House? Do you like me? Do you like big, hot, sloppy combinations of all these things smashed together? If you answered no to any or all of these questions, then I have no idea how you got to this blog post. Unless it's because I tagged it with the keywords Justin Bieber, Twilight, Sports, and McGriddle.

If you came to this blog in pursuit of those things, then I apologize for the confusion. Also, I'd like to point out that it's never too late to try new things. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Biebernaut. And my only complaint about McGriddles is that I don't think they've pushed the concept of pancake sandwiches far enough. But if you've never read a piece of flash fiction, I think you're missing out on an experience that, while infinitely different from indulging in The Biebs and some McGrids, is still pretty darn great.

That's why I'm incredibly proud to be contributing to Tin House's Flash Fridays, which highlights a new piece of flash fiction every Friday. You can read my story here. Huge thanks to Tin House, and to you for checking it out.

The Way I Like It

2011-11-09T16:24:00.000-05:00

I like my women the same way I like my cars, powerful and easy on the eye. I like my cars the same way I like my coffee, expensive and well-made. I like my eggs the same way I like my fighter jets, scrambled. I like my rama lammas the same way I like my ding dongs, in songs that I can't remember the lyrics to. I like my nieces the same way I like my nephews, equally. I like my relief the same way I like my sans-serif fonts, comic. I like my alligators the same way I like my crocodiles, which is lucky.

I like my appletinis the same way I like my crantinis, ordered by a friend so that no one knows they're for me. I like my pencils the same way I like my rubber bands, turned into miniature catapults. I like my people the same way I like my analog clocks, with hands, a face, and on Mountain Time. I like my heads of lettuce the same way I like my firecrackers... kaboom! We're talking lettuce everywhere.

I like my cloth diapers the same way I like my disposable diapers, on babies, monkeys, and old people. I like my geeks the same way I like my nerds, sitting over there with the dorks. I like my ups the same way I like my downs, diagonal. I like my indoors the same way I like my outdoors, separated from one another by a continuous partition such as a house or a dome. I like my thingamajigs the same way I like my whatsits, with a certain je ne sais quoi. I like my cabbage rods the same way I like my taco cats, thought up by me while on cold medicine. I like my dislikes the same way I like my likes, with a pattern that is in keeping with my fundamental perspective as a human being. I like my fundamental perspective as a human being the same way I like my cars, zipping all over the place and going vroom.

Selling Out: My New Life As An Ad Man

2011-11-04T17:00:00.000-04:00

I moved to New York City for one very important reason: TO SELL OUT. Don't get me wrong, living the life of a scrappy, rambunctious short story writer with $8 in his checking account was not without its charms. There were many moments of artistic fulfillment and the sort of raw exhilaration that comes from suffering hardships in order to indulge a true passion. But within that dream, there was another dream of one day spending my Saturday afternoons wandering around a Crate & Barrel looking for a fancy end table with my live-in girlfriend Natasha.

In order to accomplish this second dream, I'm going to have to make a lot more money. Natasha doesn't work, because she's imaginary. So the financial burden of this fantasy rests squarely on my shoulders.

That's why I have decided to work in advertising. Like the poet Lew Welch (who famously coined the phrase Raid Kills Bugs Dead during a stint as an ad man), I've decided to use my creative powers to make a little folding money. I have put together a quick portfolio showcasing some of my advertising work. Unfortunately, since I haven't worked for any real clients, the products below are ones that I made up. In any event, please pass this portfolio along to anyone who you think would be interested in hiring me:

Product: Seth Farm Pigeon Butter

Slogan: Seth Farm Pigeon Butter. It's the pigeon butter that's a smidgen better.

Seth is seen walking up a gentle hill. He is dressed as an Amish person. He speaks to the camera, smiling.

Seth: Here at Seth Farm, we've been striving to bring you the best pigeon butter possible since 1994. It's something we take seriously.

Seth's face becomes gravely serious. His nostrils flare. Then, suddenly, he begins smiling again.

Seth: We use only the finest pigeon milk...

Cut to shot of pigeons, also dressed like Amish people, stirring giant vats filled with pigeon milk.

Seth: ...and the butter is churned by the pigeons themselves.

Slow fade to a shot of Amish pigeons dreamily churning butter.

Seth: But don't take my word for it. The proof is in the pigeon butter.

Seth spreads pigeon butter onto a piece of toast and bites into it.

Seth: Lumpy. The way pigeon butter should be... Take it away boys!

A jug band comprised of Amish pigeons clamors up the hill next to Seth and begins playing Stars And Stripes Forever.

Voice over: Seth Farm Pigeon Butter. It's the pigeon butter that's a smidgen better.

END OF COMMERCIAL

Product: Sethtel Baby Cellphones

Slogan: God bless the child that's got a phone.

Seth is standing in front of a piano dressed in a beautiful evening gown. He is singing in the style of Billie Holiday.

Seth: Momma may have ...

Cut to a shot of a woman talking on a cellphone.

Seth's voice (over the video): Poppa may have ...

Transition to a shot of a man talking on a cellphone.

Seth's voice: But God bless the child that's got a phone...

Transition to a shot of a baby chewing on the corner of a Sethtel Baby Cellphone.

Seth's voice: That's got a phone...

Screen shows video of the man and the woman putting the baby in its crib and kissing it goodnight. They turn to leave the room. Suddenly, the woman gets a text. It says, "I love you." They look back and see that the baby has fallen asleep with his Sethtel Baby Cellphone in his hand. They smile. Video transitions back to Seth standing in front of the piano.

Seth: He just worries 'bout nothing. Because he's got a phone.

Seth winks.

END OF COMMERCIAL

Your Future Finalist

2011-09-14T12:19:00.000-04:00

After giving it a medium amount of thought, I am very excited to announce my candidacy to be a finalist for the National Book Award. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the program, the National Book Award is this thing where they put a foil sticker on your book. Then people buy your book because they like stickers. Needless to say, that sounds like exactly the sort of thing I can get behind. And so here we are.

However, I want to emphasize that I am not announcing my candidacy to win the National Book Award. I only want to be a finalist. I'm not greedy. Also, my book isn't about World War II or anything so I don't expect it to win any major literary awards. But a finalist? Why not? I think Al Roker was a finalist one year. It's like jury duty.

So I don't anticipate it being difficult for my book to become a finalist. But! I really want that foil sticker, so I'm not taking any chances. That's why I'm announcing my candidacy publicly. I wanted to make sure that all you Seth-heads out there would know to cast your votes for The Great Frustration.

Now, I know what you're saying: Seth doesn't have devoted fans who refer to themselves as Seth-heads. And also you're saying: Readers don't get to vote for which books win or are finalists for the National Book Award.

Well, guess what? You've just given yourself two pieces of super wrong information: 1.) No such thing as a Seth-head? Then how do you explain the fact that my brother bought ten copies of my book? Or the fact that my morbidly obese basset hound, Hermione, worships the ground I walk on? And don't try to tell me that she's just looking for food that I may have dropped. 2.) Last time I checked, the US was a democracy. A really, really messed up democracy. Furthermore, the US is a nation and "national" is an adjective meaning "of or relating to a nation." ERGO, the National Book Award might as well be called the Get Your Votes In Award.

So if you'd like to vote for my book, just write the National Book Foundation a strongly worded letter. Or you can tweet at them here:

twitter.com/nationalbook

Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. So when you're recommending my book to them, make sure to be as rude as you feel comfortable being.

That's all for now Seth-heads! I know I can count on your votes.

Freerange Interview!

2011-09-12T09:56:00.000-04:00

Like individual chickens in a giant hourglass filled with chickens instead of sand, so are the days of our lives. That’s my pithy, artistic way of telling you that I have done an interview with Freerange Nonfiction, one of the best reading series/websites on the planet. No! On the universe.

You can read the interview here.

Also, I will be reading tonight with lots of cool people at the Franklin Park Reading Series. You can find details about the reading here. Double also, the Brooklyn Book Festival is coming up! You can find details about my BBF events back where I hyperlinked the word “here” in the second-to-last sentence.

My Sales Figures

2011-07-28T19:45:00.024-04:00

Let's cut the crap. Publishing is a business. The only books that are important are the ones that sell. It doesn't matter how "good" a book is or how many "pages" it has. What matters is how many people it makes stinking, throw-up-in-a-diamond-bucket rich.

So while I'm very proud of my book's cultural/critical/artistic achievements (ever since it came out this May it has been playing the zeitgeist like a guitar it bought at a garage sale), the only thing that can really be used to measure its success is huge burlap sacks filled with nasty cash.

That's why I've decided to post my book's sales figures right here on this blog... The only problem is that everyone who has seen The Great Frustration's numbers firsthand has been so blown away by its commercial success that they have either a.) moved to the mountains and become hermits or b.) spontaneously ripped their own heads off. So the exact sales figures are not available to me.

But, using the information at my disposal, I have managed to come up with what I feel is a pretty accurate report on the book's progress:

This Monday (July, 25th) a friend of mine named Shawn told me he was thinking of buying my book, which I'm assuming he later went on to do. The very next day (July, 26th) I spoke to two of my family members who said that they were both also planning to purchase a copy of my book eventually. Therefore, my sales doubled in a two-day period. In business analytics, this is what's called a "trend."

Figure 1 (Extrapolation of Trend)

Examining this trend even further, you'll find that by August 13th over 500,000 people will have bought my book.

Figure 2 (Further Extrapolation of Trend)

And exactly one-third of those people will be named Shawn.

Figure 3 (Proportion of Shawns)

And when you consider the fact that Shawn is not a particularly common name, it becomes obvious that 500,000 is a rather conservative estimate. After all, my book is probably also being purchased by Peters and Susans and Ambers and Jacobs and Sarahs and Angelas and guys whose friends call them Spud and Jasons and Tonys and Chets and Montagues and the list goes on. Amandas and Stevens and Beauregards and Tiffanys and Malcolms and Jamals and Warners.

In any event, the point I’m trying to make here is not that money is the most important thing in the world. Just in publishing. And while its commercial success does not necessarily mean that you will like my book, it does mean that not liking it would make you evil and strange.

End of post!

Search and Replace

2011-06-26T20:34:00.005-04:00

This is a book trailer I made using Notepad's Search and Replace function. This just proves that you don't need a big budget to make a book trailer. All you need is a word processor, lots of spare time, and the heart of a lion.

Poets & Writers 2011 First Fiction Roundup

2011-06-19T15:45:00.008-04:00

I am interviewed by Hannah Tinti in the new issue of Poets & Writers. P&W has selected The Great Frustration for their 2011 First Fiction Roundup, highlighting the best debut fiction of the summer. You can read an excerpt from TGF on their site here. Make sure to check out the excerpts from the other great writers on the list as well: William Giraldi, Eleanor Henderson, Daniel Orozco, and Vanessa Veselka.

In Stores Now

2011-06-07T18:35:00.001-04:00

Upcoming Events

2011-06-06T14:20:00.018-04:00

In an attempt to prove once and for all that I can read out loud, I have agreed to do several readings in the Brooklyn/Manhattan bi-borough area. Many of these events are still taking shape, so I will update this list with more information as things develop. I will also add whole new events as The Great Frustration continues to win over hearts and minds.

Fiction Addiction
Date: June 28th, 2011
Time: 8:00 PM
Location: 2A
Attire: Festive
Event Status: Total Victory

Vol. 1 Brooklyn
Date: July 13th, 2011
Time: TBA
Location: Bookthugnation
Attire: Jean short casual
Other readers: Adam Novy, Christian TeBordo, and Katarina Hybenova
Event Status: Total Victory

Freerange Reading Series
Date: August 3rd, 2011
Time: 7:00 PM
Location: Pianos
Attire: Female bullfighter
Other readers: Deb Olin Unferth, B.C. Edwards, Courtney Maum, Carmela Ciuraru
Event Status: Pyrrich Victory

The Urbanists: An Art Show
Date: August 19th, 2011
Time: 7:00 PM
Location: Veronica People's Club
Attire: Champagne Helmets
Other Readers/Artists: Someone literally named 'Ammo', Ryan O'Connell, M.J. Corey, Grace Moon, A.K. Burns, Brooks Turner, Daniela Dusak, Dana Givens
Event Status: Victory conceded to Ammo

Franklin Park Reading Series
Date: September 12th, 2011
Time: 8:00 PM
Location: Franklin Park
Attire: Old-timey diving equipment
Other readers: Emma Straub, Tiphanie Yanique, Michael Showalter
Event Status: Total Victory

Brooklyn Book Festival
In and Out of Time: Reading/Q&A on going beyond non-linear narrative
Date: September 18th, 2011
Time: 10:00 AM
Location: St. Francis McCardle Hall
Attire: Dinosaur costume optional
Other readers: Diana Gabaldon, Samantha Hunt
Event Status: Total Victory

Brooklyn Book Festival
Short and Sweet (and Sour): Reading/Q&A
Date: September 18th, 2011
Time: 5:00PM
Location: St. Francis Volpe Library
Attire: Volpe bookish
Other readers: Amelia Gray, Clark Blaise
Event Status: Total Victory

Word Bookstore
Date: October 2nd, 2011
Time: 7PM
Location: Word Bookstore
Attire: Circus wedding
Other readers: Charles Yu
Event Status: Total Victory

Happy Endings Reading Series
Date: October 5th, 2011
Time: 7PM
Location: Joe's Pub
Attire: Short robe formal
Other readers: Paul La Farge, Jesse Ball
Event Status: Total Victory

Dangit I'm Thirsty! Music & Reading Series: Scary Story Night
Date: October 25th, 2011
Location: 113 North 7th Street (Brooklyn)
Attire: Starter Jacket Formal
Other Readers: Chloe Caldwell
Event Status: Total Victory

Winter Wheat
Date: November 12th, 2011
Time: TBA
Location: Bowling Green State University (Go Falcons!)
Attire: Spiderman casual
Other readers: Kevin Wilson

Praisepocalypse: People Saying Nice Things About My Book

2011-05-24T10:38:00.013-04:00

"Seth Fried is a pure delight to read--his stories are like parables from some alternate sci-fi Bible, funny and wise and generous, deeply strange and even more deeply familiar."

--Karen Russell, author of Swamplandia!

"The 11 stories in Fried's debut have the vigor of adventures ... there's a strain of absurdism in his prose that combines pathos, unease, and dark humor to add depth and give these stories a sense of modernity and relevance."

--Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

"Seth Fried's stories are laugh-out-loud hilarious and wonderfully weird, yet his many strange worlds also have the power to haunt, echoing the sorrows and yearnings of ordinary life in the way dreams can. This is an inspired and inspiring collection from an important new young writer."

--Dan Chaon, author of Await Your Reply

"... perfectly controlled and irresistibly propulsive."

--The Portland Mercury

"In The Great Frustration, Seth Fried creates elaborate set pieces, populates them with living, breathing characters, arranges them for maximum chaos, and then sets it all in motion, inviting you to watch catastrophe and disaster and ruin. Even if you wanted to stop reading, you couldn't: his sentences drive you forward with a relentless rhythm, breaking your heart, then reassembling it, then breaking it again, and you don't even mind, because, oh yeah, while he's doing this he's also making you laugh out loud."

--Charles Yu, author of How To Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe

"Playful, occasionally absurd ... These stories have the antic comedy of Monty Python, but the characters resemble the lost boys of Judd Apatow. Grade: A-"

--Cleveland Plain Dealer

"Fried often goes in for the kill when you least expect it, mining an emotional depth from his intensely flawed characters that is rare in debut fiction ... The Great Frustration is the type of debut story collection I love reading."

--The Rumpus

"These powerful and beautifully absurd stories create poetry from the collected voice of those who love and hate and dream and yearn. They stirred my imagination and time and time again seduced me into reflecting on the hopefulness and vulnerabilities of being human. The Great Frustration is a wonderfully original debut."

--Alan Heathcock, author of Volt

"Weirdly wonderful, Fried’s story collection inhabits equally the philosophical and the visceral."

--ZYZZYVA

"Seth Fried’s stories have extraordinary range, reminiscent of Borges, allowing the reader to become a time-traveler in a world populated by 21^st century misadventures with prehistoric bones and a bestiary of microscopic beasts. You will enter the Garden of Eden the very moment before disasters began. His voice and imagination will dazzle you."--Thaisa Frank, author of Heidegger's Glasses

"Seth Fried has a wildly humorous imagination, but also sharp technical skills and beauty of language that weaves deep examinations of self and humanity into the inner folds of his crazy worlds. He’s channeling Saunders by way of Barthelme and Kafka, but also clearing a whole new territory of his own. Listen up and open this book: Seth Fried is the future of fiction."

--Hannah Tinti, author of The Good Thief

"These stories are joyful, breathtaking, and ridiculously funny. Yes, there is darkness and violence and the constant threat of unhappy endings, but Fried is such a stunning writer, you actually love the coming disaster because it is so perfectly presented on the page."

--Kevin Wilson, author of Tunneling to the Center of the Earth and The Family Fang

"Seth Fried should not be read by those with a heart condition, or by women who are nursing or pregnant. Do not read Seth Fried when driving or operating heavy machinery. Because his stories are not only addictive, but dangerously good. He will make your heart stop and your jaw drop. You will suffer from bouts of thoughtful silence and seizures of hilarity and may even soil yourself with pleasure. Consider yourself warned."

--Benjamin Percy, author of The Wilding and Refresh, Refresh

Fifty-Two Stories/The Magazine of Yoga/Poets & Writers

2011-05-11T07:35:00.007-04:00

The official pub date of my book is today! In celebration of this awesome fact, you can now read the title story of my collection over at Cal Morgan's Fifty-Two Stories.

Also, there's a new interview with me up a The Magazine of Yoga. Topics covered: Compost, failure, and cage fighting.

Double also, Poets & Writers has posted a video of mine to their site. This is either a huge step toward legitimacy for me or a huge step away from legitimacy for Poets & Writers. Either way, I'm pretty excited.

Andrew's Book Club

2011-05-05T14:50:00.004-04:00

Incredibly excited to announce that The Great Frustration has been selected as the May pick for Andrew's Book Club. I am a huge fan of ABC, so this is a huge honor. You can read an interview I did with Andrew here. Topics covered: Dinosaur comedians, food fights, and MST3k.

Video Q&A On Ninth Letter's Blog

2011-04-28T12:37:00.005-04:00

There is a very serious and well-made video Q&A featuring yours truly over at Ninth Letter's blog. Be sure to check it out!

Don't Spend a Dime: A Guide to Supporting Seth Fried's Debut Collection On The Cheap

2011-04-18T13:17:00.002-04:00

Times are tight. In recent years most families have been forced to cut their debut short story collection budgets dramatically, if not eliminate them altogether. But not to worry! There are plenty of ways you can support my forthcoming collection without spending so much as one hot round American dime.

1.) Fill out an acquisition request form at the library.

Even if you can't purchase my book, you can still convince your library to grab a copy. Most libraries are run by nice people who want you to have access to the books you're interested in, so they should take your request to heart. However, while you're talking to them make sure you pronounce it "library" and not "lie-berry." That will help prevent them from throwing out your acquisition request form.

2.) Only have sex with people who have bought my book.

Not only will this incentivise people to buy my book in the short term, but in a few generations we might even be able to eliminate the genetic traits that cause people not to buy my book.

3.) Give my book a positive rating on Amazon and Goodreads.

I know what you're thinking: How can I give your book a positive rating if I haven't read it? But, let's face it, it's not like that would make you the first person to post an opinion on the internet despite the fact that you have no idea what you're talking about.

In order to help you out, I've written a few reviews for my book that you can adapt for your own purposes:

"The Great Frustration? More like the great short story collection!"

-Trent Banister, Stairville MA

"If I could travel back in time, the second thing I would do (right after making out with Helen of Troy and right before smacking Adolf Hitler in the face with a pipe) would be to sit down and enjoy this book for the first time all over again."

-Dr. Leroy Fice, Biosphere 2

"This book is not a murder mystery written by Al Roker, and maybe that's all we need to know."

-Gertrude Musseltop, Plotz AZ

4.) Social media the book with social media.

This one is easy. Just Facebook link some Facebook links. Tweet some tweets. Do whatever it is Tumblr does with your Tumblr account. Write a heart-melting love ballad about my book and upload the song to Youtube. Go on MySpace and design a really busy profile layout in which animated gifs of my book bounce up and down to the music of some obscure screamcore band.

5.) Ask a loved one to get you a copy for your birthday.

Happy Birthday!!!

6.) Borrow my book from a friend of yours and don't return it.

That way the friend will be forced to replace his or her copy and you will have effectively purchased my book.

7.) Send my book good vibes.

If you are a hippy, then you might be in a position to send my book good vibes. If so, please do.

8.) Find people sending my book bad vibes and stop them at all costs.

If you are a hippy who also happens to have a crazy vigilante component to your personality, then you might want to take to the streets and prevent people from sending my book bad vibes.

9.) Make a mental note to check out my book when you're a little more flush.

Yeah! No big deal. No reason to stress about it right now. You're going to get that big promotion. I just know it. And when you do, my book will be waiting to congratulate you.

One Story Literary Debutante Ball

2011-04-14T16:00:00.010-04:00

I am pleased to announce that on April 29th One Story will be having its 2nd Annual Literary Debutante Ball. I am even pleaseder to announce that (owing to the fact that my debut collection is coming out on May 1st) I will be one of the debutantes.

The benefit committee for the event includes T Cooper, Jamie Lee Curtis, Mark Hage, Amy Hempel, A.M. Homes, Jenny Lawrence, Andrew McCarthy, Dolores Rice, Paul Morris, Leigh Newman, Maud Newton, George Saunders, and Jim & Karen Shepard. It's sure to be a great time, so if you're in the area you should definitely attend. You can buy tickets here. You can also see pictures of some of the booze that will be at the event here and here.

Of course, I'd like to express my extreme gratitude toward One Story for including me in the event. I'm incredibly excited to be featured alongside the amazing writers being recognized. You can check out my debutante interview here.

#thegreatfrustration

2011-04-07T18:00:00.009-04:00

T minus three weeks till The Great Frustration is released! It pretty much goes without saying that such a momentous event would be accompanied by a Twitter hashtag campaign. And yet, I still feel compelled to point out that this momentous event will be accompanied by a Twitter hashtag campaign.

Every day for the next three weeks I will use my twitter feed to express my frustration about whatever's sticking in my craw. Each tweet will be followed by #thegreatfrustration. Anyone who wants to express their own frustrations is more than welcome. Just make sure to put #thegreatfrustration after your frustrated tweet. Because if you don't, then you're not participating in this Twitter campaign and are just complaining for no reason, which is an unattractive quality.

twitter.com/seth_fried

The Books Have Arrived!!!

2011-04-03T11:43:00.004-04:00

Just received the contract copies of The Great Frustration. This picture was taken before I dumped the books onto the ground and began rolling around in them euphorically.

A Complete List of All Books

2011-03-25T20:37:00.008-04:00

In order to celebrate the fact that my debut short story collection, The Great Frustration, will be released in about a month, I have decided to compile a list of all the books that have ever been published. In addition to it being a fun opportunity to promote TGF, I figured it could serve as a scholarly resource (which is pretty much how I think of my blog anyway). Without further ado, here they are in no particular order:

Graham's French to English Dictionary

The Helicopter Joke Book

Jump-Around Howie's Big Book of Obvious Riddles

The Panther in the Cauldron: A Diaper Lewis Mystery

A Parent's Guide to Making Your Children Invincible to Witches

How to Tell Which Children Are Invincible to You: A Witch's Handbook

Mission to Cars: How to Attend an Auto Show

Dr. Paul d'Artagnan's Low Calorie Workout

Also:

Phone books

It's pretty humbling to see all those titles listed one after another. It's enough to make me realize that The Great Frustration will be little more than a grain of sand in an immense desert. Nevertheless, as far as grains of sand go, it's going to be awesome. Oh, also: Huckleberry Finn.

Starred Review in Publishers Weekly

2011-03-21T18:44:00.005-04:00

I am incredibly pleased to report that Publishers Weekly has just given The Great Frustration a starred review. In fact, "pleased" might be underselling it. All day long I have been climbing skyscrapers and swatting at biplanes. PW had this to say:

The 11 stories in Fried's debut have the vigor of adventures, taking place in settings as disparate as Spain in the time of the conquistadors, a king's harem, a city under siege, various scientific setups, and--in the case of the title story--the Garden of Eden. Such an imagination is refreshing, but even more rewarding is that the stories don't rely solely on concept or conceit, and trudge forward into the lovely mess of strong characters wedged into dramatic circumstance. The scientists in "Those of Us in Plaid" have a simple, though not easy, objective involving an obstinate monkey and a space capsule. Science is clearly one of Fried's major interests: "Loeka Discovered" follows a team of researchers reconstructing ancient history from bits of bone and other artifacts. The lengthy "Animalcula: A Young Scientist's Guide to New Creatures" offers 15 scholarly descriptions of minuscule fauna, creating a fictional microcosm and illuminating it with the surprisingly poetic inner life of the scientist studying his subjects. While Fried's stories run to the historical or technical, there's a strain of absurdism in his prose that combines pathos, unease, and dark humor to add depth and give these stories a sense of modernity and relevance. (May)

This means one of two things: 1.) Publishers Weekly got the cigars I sent, or 2.) Publishers Weekly liked my book. Either way, I haven't received a star on a piece of writing since grade school and it still feels pretty great. Huge thanks to PW!

Animalcula: A Young Scientist's Guide to New Creatures

2011-03-08T16:42:00.015-05:00

The new issue of The Kenyon Review is about to drop, as the kids say. The issue will feature a sizable excerpt from my epic, pseudoscientific work, Animalcula: A Young Scientist's Guide to New Creatures. So get ready for twelve (count 'em, twelve) short stories about some exciting microscopic organisms that I'm pretty sure I made up.

The issue will also feature a bunch of amazing work from some incredible people (including a bona fide hero of mine, Albert Goldbarth).

In the next few days The Kenyon Review will also be running a micro-interview with me on their blog. It's not an interview about microscopes, though that would have been completely awesome. It's just called micro because it's short. They've already posted two great interviews with contributors from the issue. Be sure to check them out: Ted Wheeler, Robert Yune. I'll link to my interview once it's up, as is my wont.

Also, while you're waiting to get your hands on a copy of The Kenyon Review, I encourage you to enjoy the work of some actual young scientists over at the Oklahoma Microscopy Society, from whom I borrowed the above picture of a wheel bug.

Blurb Attack: Endorseapocalypse

2011-02-17T15:13:00.012-05:00

There's only 74 days (or, 6,393,600 seconds) left before The Great Frustration is released. In anticipation of this culture-changing event, Counterpoint Press/Soft Skull has put together the greatest team of blurbers ever assembled in the long, storied history of jacket copy.

All of these writers are people I admire to a ridiculous degree. It's a total thrill to see them say nice things about TGF. As a thank you, I've written this blurb blurbing their blurbs:

"The blurbs for Seth Fried's debut short story collection are transcendent, each a triumph of the form. This is the most electric set of blurbs I've read in years. I cannot recommend these endorsements enough."

--Seth Fried

And now, the actual blurbs:

"Seth Fried has a wildly humorous imagination, but also sharp technical skills and beauty of language that weaves deep examinations of self and humanity into the inner folds of his crazy worlds. He’s channeling Saunders by way of Barthelme and Kafka, but also clearing a whole new territory of his own. Listen up and open this book: Seth Fried is the future of fiction."

--Hannah Tinti, author of The Good Thief

"Seth Fried's stories are laugh-out-loud hilarious and wonderfully weird, yet his many strange worlds also have the power to haunt, echoing the sorrows and yearnings of ordinary life in the way dreams can. This is an inspired and inspiring collection from an important new young writer."

--Dan Chaon, author of Await Your Reply

"In The Great Frustration, Seth Fried creates elaborate set pieces, populates them with living, breathing characters, arranges them for maximum chaos, and then sets it all in motion, inviting you to watch catastrophe and disaster and ruin. Even if you wanted to stop reading, you couldn't: his sentences drive you forward with a relentless rhythm, breaking your heart, then reassembling it, then breaking it again, and you don't even mind, because, oh yeah, while he's doing this he's also making you laugh out loud."

--Charles Yu, author of How To Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe

"These stories are joyful, breathtaking, and ridiculously funny. Yes, there is darkness and violence and the constant threat of unhappy endings, but Fried is such a stunning writer, you actually love the coming disaster because it is so perfectly presented on the page."

--Kevin Wilson, author of Tunneling to the Center of the Earth and The Family Fang

"Seth Fried should not be read by those with a heart condition, or by women who are nursing or pregnant. Do not read Seth Fried when driving or operating heavy machinery. Because his stories are not only addictive, but dangerously good. He will make your heart stop and your jaw drop. You will suffer from bouts of thoughtful silence and seizures of hilarity and may even soil yourself with pleasure. Consider yourself warned."

--Benjamin Percy, author of The Wilding and Refresh, Refresh

"These powerful and beautifully absurd stories create poetry from the collected voice of those who love and hate and dream and yearn. They stirred my imagination and time and time again seduced me into reflecting on the hopefulness and vulnerabilities of being human. The Great Frustration is a wonderfully original debut."

--Alan Heathcock, author of Volt

"Seth Fried’s stories have extraordinary range, reminiscent of Borges, allowing the reader to become a time-traveler in a world populated by 21^st century misadventures with prehistoric bones and a bestiary of microscopic beasts. You will enter the Garden of Eden the very moment before disasters began. His voice and imagination will dazzle you."

--Thaisa Frank, author of Heidegger's Glasses

Q: Interview? A: Interview!

2011-02-02T19:05:00.008-05:00

As many of you know, I rarely give interviews -- possibly because people rarely ask me to give them interviews. Whatever the case, I just did one with Shawn Vestal over at Bark. Topics covered include: Axe body spray, short story trailers, and the Civil War. Huge thanks to the awesome Shawn Vestal, and everyone at Bark for turning out one of the most consistently great lit blogs on the interweb.

The Missouri Review's textBOX Anthology

2011-01-23T20:58:00.017-05:00

The Missouri Review is about to launch textBox, their new online anthology. The site -- which goes live tomorrow morning -- will feature a selection of fiction, essays and poetry previously published in The Missouri Review.

TMR has spent over three decades putting out one of the best print journals in the country, so, as a reader, I'm incredibly jazzed (yes, jazzed) to see them take this exciting new step. As a writer, I'm even more jazzed (jazzeder?) to point out that the anthology's debut will feature Loeka Discovered, a story of mine that TMR originally published in 2008.

Needless to say, I'm honored to be included in the first installment of this soon to be beloved anthology. Make sure to check it out!

24 Stories 12 Weeks: The Great Frustration Pre-Publication Read-ebration

2011-01-20T17:34:00.025-05:00

My debut short story collection is coming out in three months. In the publishing world three months is a very short amount of time. Whereas, for the rest of us, three months is a massive expanse of time that's as difficult to conceptualize as the distance between two galaxies.

It is for this reason that I've come up with The Great Frustration Pre-Publication Read-ebration (here I want to point out that the word "read-ebration" is a new word I came up with by smashing the word "read" into the word "celebration" and that this new word is my creative property). Participation is easy. And if you have a library card it's also free. For each week leading up to the release of my book, go find and read the short stories listed for that week (see below).

The selected stories are all so mind-bogglingly good that before you know it the three months will be up. There will be nothing standing between you and my book except possibly your own lack of interest. Enjoy!

Week 1
The Glass Mountain by Donald Barthelme (City Life)
Mississippi by Rick Bass (The Watch)

Week 2
The Adventure of the Bather by Italo Calvino (Difficult Loves)
The Rememberer by Aimee Bender (The Girl in the Flammable Skirt)

Week 3
Kafka Cooks Dinner by Lydia Davis (Varieties of Disturbance)
Bigfoot Stole My Wife by Ron Carlson (The News of the World)

Week 4
The Guest by Stanley Elkin (Criers & Kibitzers, Kibitzers & Criers)
Pet Milk by Stuart Dybek (The Coast of Chicago)

Week 5
The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers (The Ballad of the Sad Cafe)
Some Other, Better Otto by Deborah Eisenberg (Twilight of the Superheros)

Week 6
Realism by Charles Yu (Third Class Superhero)
The Dinosaurs by Italo Calvino (Cosmicomics)

Week 7
The Magic Poker by Robert Coover (Pricksongs and Descants)
B Positive by Michael Czyzniejewski (Elephants in Our Bedroom)

Week 8
Paradise Park by Steven Millhauser (The Knife Thrower)
Dog Days by Judy Budnitz (Flying Leap)

Week 9
Able, Baker, Charlie, Dog by Stephanie Vaughn (Sweet Talk)
A Common Misunderstanding by Franz Kafka (The Complete Stories)

Week 10
Thomas Edison and Vasil Golakov by Lydia Millet (Love in Infant Monkeys)
But Soft ... Real Soft by Woody Allen (Without Feathers)

Week 11
Signifying Nothing by David Foster Wallace (Brief Interviews with Hideous Men)
The Joke by J. David Stevens (Mexico is Missing)

Week 12
The Balloon by Donald Barthelme (Unspeakable Practices, Unnatural Acts)
The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World by G. Garcia Marquez (Collected Stories)

Cover Letters: Gettin' Noticed

2011-01-12T12:02:00.005-05:00

A very serious and well-made video of mine is being featured over on Ninth Letter's blog. It's a little educational film that I threw together early last year during a cold-related Sudafed binge. While you're over at Ninth Letter's site, make sure to subscribe toot sweet. They have a new issue coming out, which, though I'm not in it, still looks like it's going to be awesome.

Top Five Most Anticipated Books of 2011

2010-12-28T21:55:00.011-05:00

It's that time of year again in which I predict the books we're all going to be reading and talking about in 2011. My selection process is simple; I base my predictions on a series of questionnaires that are filled out by booksellers and librarians all over the country. The questionnaires are administered, collected, and analyzed by a team of official survey proctors from The Institute of Statistical Mathematics. Those proctors then submit the compiled data to me and I report it to you here as objectively as possible.

1.) The Great Frustration by Seth Fried

Needless to say, I was shocked and thrilled to learn that my debut short story collection is the most anticipated book of 2011. I mean, it's weird. I worked really hard on the book, and I was confident that people would like it. But to get this kind of validation before the book is even released is pretty overwhelming.

2. A back-up copy of The Great Frustration by Seth Fried

This one came as a pretty big surprise as well. Though, if you've dropped as many books in the tub as I have, it makes total sense.

3.) CliffsNotes guide to The Great Frustration by Seth Fried

While I hate to think of students taking the easy way out with respect to my book, the fact of the matter is that my stories are packed with some pretty dense imagery. Without the benefit of a little guidance, my prose could come off as downright intimidating to a young reader. It is for this reason that -- with some reservations -- I'm glad to see this guide take 2011's number three spot. Used correctly, I'm confident that it will help enhance people's reading experience.

4.) Ebook of The Great Frustration by Seth Fried

Ebooks are here to stay people. We all know that making things electronic is the same thing as making them better. Though, make sure to avoid enjoying my ebook if you have a pacemaker or are on a plane that is about to take off.

5.) Sadly, it was discovered during the course of this study that people only buy four books a year. My condolences to any forthcoming title that did not make the list.

Oh, The Hilarity!

2010-12-07T19:29:00.004-05:00

The Year's Best Dark Fantasy & Horror 2010 just got a nice write up by Publishers Weekly. PW confirms that the anthology is, in fact, awesome. Also confirmed, my contribution's status as hilarious. Thanks PW!

"With this collection of 39 stories originally published in 2009, Guran (Zombies: The Recent Dead) creates an expansive definition of the genre, ranging from overtly fantastic to (mostly) realistic and from the hilarity of Seth Fried's Pushcart Prize-winning "Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre" to the tender terror of Margo Lanagan's novella "Sea-Hearts." Nods to classics abound: Suzy McKee Charnas's futuristic "Lowland Sea" retells a Poe story of plague, Michael Shea's "Copping Squid" evokes Lovecraft's Cthulhu, Sarah Monette's "White Charles" channels M.R. James, and Catherynne M. Valente's "A Delicate Architecture" revisits the Brothers Grimm. Others play on present-day pop culture, such as Peter Straub's "Variations of a Theme from Seinfeld." Many tales tackle themes of objectification, abuse, and destroyed innocence, cutting straight to the reader's heart."
--Publishers Weekly

New Blog Header by Brent Van Horne

2010-12-04T16:49:00.012-05:00

The incomparable Brent Van Horne has created yet another killer header for this humble blog. In addition to it fulfilling my life long dream (expectation is probably a better word) of being added to the periodic table, it also hints to the fact that I will soon be a citizen of New York City.

BVH is definitely correct in assuming that my new location will significantly change the content of this blog.

Example of what my posts have looked like while living in Ohio:

"Hey everybody! I have a story forthcoming in Whatever-the-hell Magazine! Make sure to check it out!"

Example of what my posts will look like once I live in New York:

"I'm heading to The Saw Factory tonight to see The Laser Committee do an acoustic set with the trombone player from Biscuit Quake."

So yeah, get ready for that!

I Will Continue Making Trailers Until Someone Stops Me

2010-11-28T20:18:00.013-05:00

It's Nice That

2010-11-15T12:25:00.006-05:00

All this week I'll be guest posting at It's Nice That. Couldn't be more excited; It's Nice That is one of my new favorite websites/magazines. If you're checking it out for the first time, you're in for a real treat.

Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre Print

2010-11-07T17:00:00.015-05:00

Earlier this year, the brilliant Brandi Strickland created an interpretation of Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre, a short story of mine that originally appeared in One Story. Brandi generously donated her work to One Story's Literary Debutante Ball, where the original piece was auctioned off to help support One Story.

However, for all of you who were not lucky enough to attend said Debutante Ball, I'm pleased to announce that prints of the piece are now available at Brandi's site. While you're picking one up, make sure to check out all of Brandi's work, which is beyond incredible.

Happy Halloween: A Seth Fried Fan's Guide to a Safe and Successful All Hallows' Eve

2010-10-29T17:04:00.008-04:00

Arguably the most costume-oriented holiday of the year is steadily approaching, and everybody here at Seth headquarters is getting into the spirit. As you can see, my book has decided to go as Stieg Larsson's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Adorable.

Also, this year I'll be staying home to hand out sugarless suckers attached to blank applications for library cards, which I'll be doing in the grim hopes of being egged to death. What can I say? Halloween just brings out my love of the macabre.

In any event, here are a few Halloween safety tips:

1.) If you find a razor blade in one of your fun-sized Snickers bars, DON'T EAT IT! But if you want to use the Snickers bar to shave, that should be fine.

2.) Remember to poke air holes in your costume, especially if you're going as dry-cleaning.

3.) Fasten reflective tape to your costume. Ideally, you should also place reflective tape on each piece of candy you receive. If you see anything on October 31st that isn't covered in reflective tape, don't trust it.

4.) Check your candy to make sure it's not poisoned. If you need help spotting poisoned candy, a good trick is to take a normal piece of candy and poison it. When testing a piece of Halloween candy for poison, keep some of this pre-poisoned candy nearby and take small bites of both to see if they taste similar. If they do, the candy in question has been poisoned. Don't eat it.

5.) Make sure to carry a flashlight, even if you are going to an office party.

6.) Remember to have fun exclamation point.

Book Cover!!!! Book Cover!!!! Book Cover!!!!

2010-10-21T15:31:00.007-04:00

I am very excited to share this early book cover for my debut short story collection (coming May of 2011). There might be some slight changes in the months to come. I imagine at some point we'll be adding a hologram of me wrestling a minotaur. But as far as I'm concerned it's already pretty great.

Author Photo Assault

2010-10-12T01:45:00.005-04:00

In this epic scroller, you must help my smoldering author photo defeat some of the country's best literary journals. You take control of my author photo as it dominates top-shelf lit mags with its Projectile Sex Appeal. Observe:

I need to find a way to actually host this game on the internet, but for now I hope you'll enjoy this grainy gameplay footage:

Shortlisted in Best American Short Stories

2010-09-26T18:48:00.008-04:00

I'm excited to announce that one of my stories has been shortlisted in the new BASS anthology. Now if anyone purchases this anthology and ends up getting trapped in an elevator or pinned beneath a giant rock, they will most likely see my name while reading the notable stories section out of sheer boredom. As far as I'm concerned, that's what it's all about. Congrats to all the great writers on the list!

Giant Man Design

2010-09-22T19:05:00.005-04:00

Seeing as how I spend all of my time writing short stories, you wouldn't expect me to associate with people who have actual skills. But I do! Some good friends of mine have started a killer design studio, Giant Man Design. They're great people, and even better designers/art directors/content strategists/explosives experts/copywriters.

If they don't meet - no - exceed all your design needs, I personally vow to go on with my life without really caring. Though, I'm sure it will never come to that. What's far more likely is that they're going to rock your socks right off.

The Year's Best Dark Fantasy and Horror 2010

2010-09-21T15:23:00.011-04:00

We've all had this happen to us: You're sitting there with your candelabrum, reading a bunch of dark fantasy and horror. You're trying to enjoy yourself, but the dark fantasy and horror you're reading just isn't the best. What's a diehard DF&H fan to do? Until recently, nothing. But fortunately the good people at Prime Books have decided to take action. This October, they will be publishing a brand new anthology, The Year's Best Dark Fantasy and Horror 2010.

No longer will you be forced to hang around campfires and sixth grade slumber parties in search of the best DF&H stories. Instead, Prime Books will be making it available to you in a single, handsome volume. Needless to say, this anthology will include my dark fantasy smash hit, Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre. It will also include stories by Kelly Link, Peter Straub, and many others. You can check out a complete table of contents here.

The Art of Youtube Statistics

2010-09-14T14:53:00.011-04:00

In further proof that the people who watch my short story trailers are geniuses, I think it's pretty obvious that the viewership charts produced by my Youtube account could all be mistaken for modern art. Feast your eyes on these post-Mondrian beauties:

Nice work people! Keep making beautiful line graphs by visiting my Youtube Channel, and keep your eyes peeled as a brand new book trailer is in the offing.

Okay Internet, Lock Up Your Internet Daughters

2010-09-02T20:08:00.008-04:00

Brent Van Horne, the best short story writer/copywriter/content strategist you've ever read about in a blog post, has just launched his new site. So if you want to take a break from downloading illegal music and Super Nintendo emulators, I strongly suggest you click here. Or here. But whatever you do, don't click here.

You should also check out all the great headers that BVH has designed for this humble blog here.

How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe

2010-08-11T14:57:00.024-04:00

(UPDATE: Due to an unfortunate incident on Farmville, in which my avatar was murdered by Confederate deserters, I briefly decided to rid myself of all social networking websites. Therefore, the twitter account referenced in this post no longer exists. But somehow Yu's novel has managed to flourish even without the 78-follower-Seth-Fried-Twitter-Bump. Check out this awesome review of HTLSIASFU in The New York Times Book Review.)

Very rarely do I use this blog to talk about anything other than my own really excellent and wonderful writing. But every once in a great while I'll get so excited about someone else's work that for one dizzying moment I manage to see past my own ego. Such is the case with Charles Yu's impending novel, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe: A Novel.

Yu's debut short story collection, Third Class Superhero, is one of my favorite books. So this novel is highly anticipated in the Fried household. So much so that until the book is released (Sept. 7th, 2010) I will be dedicating my twitter feed to my HTLSIASFU anticipation. Once a day (for a month or so), I will use my twitter account to describe one thing I am doing in order to prepare for the release of Yu's book.

Naturally, this will result in a tremendous windfall of publicity for Yu's novel in that I CURRENTLY HAVE 78 TWITTER FOLLOWERS. This number is especially impressive if you consider the fact that statistically for every one person that follows you on twitter there are roughly ten thousand people who wish they had the courage to follow you on twitter.

You can find my twitter profile/feed (?) here:

twitter.com/sethfried

Apexart's Summer Reading Series

2010-07-06T15:03:00.007-04:00

I'm very excited to announce that I'll be reading in NYC on July 28th as part of Apexart's Summer Reading Series. If you live in New York, then this is the chance to see me read out loud that you've been hoping for and writing angry letters to your assemblyman about. I'll be reading alongside some pretty awesome people: Samantha Cohen, Tiphanie Yanique, and Emily St. John Mande l. I don't want to oversell my fellow readers, but their work will literally save your lives.

How To Survive The Inevitable Success Of My Book: A Seth Fried Fan's Guide To A Post Debut Short Story Collection World, Part 1 of 8,000

2010-06-29T15:50:00.019-04:00

Now that I have a book forthcoming from Soft Skull, I'm sure many of you are nervous about what this means for the future. I wish I could say that everything is going to be fine. But the fact of the matter is that, once my collection of short stories is released, people are probably going to freak out. It will be exactly like the movie Road Warrior, but instead of gasoline everybody will be fighting over tattered copies of my ill-advised and yet brazenly erotic former author photo.

But fear not! There are plenty of measures you can take to help prepare for civilization's descent into Seth Fried Debut Short Story Collection Madness. And since I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for all this, I have taken it upon myself to both introduce you to and expound upon these measures:

#1 Build A Bomb Shelter

Make sure your bomb shelter has a roof. I can't stress this enough, as bombs are incredibly adept at coming from above.

Figure One

Bear in mind that your bomb shelter should also have four walls. Otherwise, the result could be equally disastrous.

Figure Two

#2 Blade Fighting

I don't condone violence of any sort, but, once the world falls into chaos, this blade fighting meme might very well save your life.

#3 Obsessively Check This Blog For More Survival Tips

Don't worry! I'm here to help! We've got 7,999 survival posts to go. And just because the world as you know it is about to unravel into some sort of Boschian hellscape that doesn't mean this can't be fun.

Soft Skull + Seth Fried = (Endless Love + Debut Short Story Collection) x Awesomeness

2010-06-21T15:34:00.012-04:00

I am unbelievably excited to announce that Soft Skull, one of the best and boldest presses on the planet, has agreed to publish my debut short story collection next year. This news is incredibly recent, and so a lot of details are up in the air. For now, everything should be pretty well explained by the equation in the title of this post. More soon!

Animalucla in The Kenyon Review

2010-05-31T19:00:00.005-04:00

I'm extremely excited to report that The Kenyon Review is going to be publishing a bunch of pieces from my series, Animalcula: A Young Scientist's Guide to New Creatures. Excerpts from this series have appeared previously in Ninth Letter and JMWW. The new pieces are tentatively scheduled to appear in The Kenyon Review's Spring 2011 issue. In the mean time, make sure to check out this unbelievably awesome (or at least charming in an at-least-he-tried sort of way) trailer I made for the pieces that ran in Ninth Letter:

Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre Wins Pushcart

2010-05-03T19:00:00.011-04:00

Those of you who refuse to read the titles of blog posts before you read the actual post will be excited to learn that my story Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre has just won a Pushcart Prize. Needless to say, I have been high-fiving strangers all day. Huge thanks to Pei-Ling Lue and everybody at One Story.

Literary Magazine Rankings II: Rank Harder

2010-04-28T16:22:00.007-04:00

A lot of people on the Information Superhighway are talking about this list of lit mag rankings put together by Lincoln Michel at The Faster Times. Naturally, I've decided to put together my own list. Enjoy!

First Tier

Magazines put out by people who are passionate, hardworking, and who believe in what they're doing.

Second Tier

Magazines put out by people who are jerks with terrible taste, but who are physically good-looking.

Third Tier

Magazines that have ceased publication.

Fourth Tier

Magazines put out by white supremacists.

Fifth Tier

Things that aren't magazines (hats, drawbridges, etc.).

Sixth Tier

Writing your story on the face of a sleeping stranger.

Seventh Tier

Showing your work to a loved one.

Guest Post On Paper Whistle

2010-04-11T18:35:00.008-04:00

I have a post up on Brandi Strickland's blog. Make sure to check it out! That is all.

Cheston Knapp in One Story

2010-03-29T19:10:00.007-04:00

Reasons to be excited about Cheston Knapp's upcoming issue of One Story:

1.) This awesome short story trailer(!) that he made:

2.) He worked with me as my editor for Life in the Harem at Tin House, and so I can tell you from personal experience that he is blisteringly cool.

3.) He's a fantastic writer. Perhaps it says something about my priorities that Cheston being a great writer was the third thing I mentioned behind making short story trailers and being cool. But I refuse to retype this list, so maybe you should just read it backwards.

Dark Sky Magazine

2010-03-27T16:22:00.006-04:00

The great folks at Dark Sky Magazine just recommended that you read my story Life in the Harem (Tin House 43). After giving it some serious thought, I have decided that this is sage, sage advice. I recommend following this recommendation to the very letter.

Animalcula Excerpt in JMWW

2010-03-15T19:00:00.004-04:00

I'm excited to announce that the current issue of JMWW features a quick excerpt from my series, Animalcula: A Young Scientist's Guide to New Creatures.

The issue, put together by the brilliant/incomparable/many-other-positive-adjectives David Erlewine, is a special all flash-fiction issue featuring stories by many cool writers.

Also, you can find more Animalcula in Ninth Letter 6:1.

Harems Are For Closers

2010-02-23T14:17:00.012-05:00

Tin House #43 is on its way! The issue will feature work by Steve Almond, Ron Carlson, Martha McPhee, David "Always be closing/Put that coffee down" Mamet, and many other awesome people.

Click here to check out an excerpt from my contribution, Life in the Harem.

"One of us turns over a card, picks it up, looks at it as if he were looking at himself in the mirror."

2010-02-19T10:53:00.014-05:00

I used to think that tarot cards were just for people who didn't know any better. That was before I started reading Italo Calvino's The Castle of Crossed Destinies, his book of tarot-inspired fiction, which is pretty great. [Note: tarot cards are still mostly just for people who don't know any better.]

From The Waverer's Tale:

A naked goddess takes two jugs containing who knows what juices kept cool for the thirsty (all around there are the yellow dunes of a sun-baked desert), and empties them to water the pebbled shore: and at that instant a growth of saxifrage springs up in the midst of the desert, and among the succulent leaves a blackbird sings; life is the waste of materials thrown away, the sea's cauldron merely repeats what happens within constellations that for billions of years go on pounding atoms in their explosions, obvious even here in the milk-colored sky.

"[...] everything good, no matter how often and how unintentionally such a deed is repeated, is new and spontaneous each time."

2010-02-13T22:58:00.015-05:00

Today, I spent a decent amount of time reading Letters on Life (a book of writings collected from Rainer Maria Rilke's personal letters). The whole thing is basically just a self-help book written by the twentieth century's greatest German-language poet. And really, I don't know what else you could want from a book.

Try this on for size:

There is only a single, urgent task: to attach oneself someplace to nature -- to that which is strong, striving and bright -- with unreserved readiness, and then to move forward in one's efforts without any calculation or guile, even when engaged in the most trivial and mundane activities. Each time we thus reach out with joy, each time we cast our view toward distances that have not yet been touched, we transform not only the present moment, and the one following, but also alter the past within us, weave it into the pattern of our existence, and dissolve the foreign body of pain whose exact composition ultimately we do not know.

Bam! You've just been Rilked.

I Know Spiderman, Basically

2010-01-17T19:35:00.030-05:00

Two Degrees of Separation:

1.)A short story of mine appeared in McSweeney's #33 alongside a story written by James Franco:
2.)James Franco knows Spiderman:

Four Degrees of Separation:

1.) I appeared in McSweeney's #15 alongside Steven Millhauser:

2.) Millhauser's brilliant short story Eisenheim the Illusionist was ground into a fine powder by filmmakers in The Illusionist, starring Ed Norton:

3.) Ed Norton recently played The Hulk:

4.) The Hulk knows Spiderman:

Seven Degrees of Separation:

1.) In 2007, I won the William Peden Prize, an award which was previously won by Robert Olen Butler:

2.) According to Wikipedia, Robert Olen Butler was once caught in a love triangle with Ted Turner:

3.) Ted Turner knows Captain Planet:

4.) Captain Planet knows Atlanta Thrashers forward Jim Slater:

5.) Jim Slater's father played for the New England Patriots:

6.) New England borders on New York:

7.) Spiderman lives in New York:

The Year We Make Contact

2010-01-04T15:00:00.005-05:00

First post of 2010! I've got some pretty heavy-duty shenanigans planned for this decade, so you're going to want to pay attention.

For the time being, a couple of quick reminders:

1.) Life in the Harem is on its way from Tin House

2.) I'm only marginally sane.

3.) The San Francisco Panorama is still available. Also, McSweeneys.net will be running excerpts from the Panorama all this week.

4.) "Be excellent to each other." -Abraham Lincoln

The Jew of New York

2009-12-23T18:00:00.008-05:00

Getting ready to read Ben Katchor's graphic novel The Jew of New York on the advice of a friend. Very excited to reignite my long lost love for comic b- ... graphic novels.

Holy Macaroni!

2009-12-14T09:26:00.006-05:00

Time Magazine just did a nice write-up about McSweeney's 33. The article doesn't mention my story specifically, but if you read it carefully I'm sure you'll find (as I did) that a great deal of praise for my story is implied.

The Novella Excerpt Event of the Decade

2009-12-04T14:02:00.005-05:00

In a testament to my own boredom, I've started to make trailers for work that has already appeared in literary journals. So, in essence, this is a preview of the past. Did that blow your mind? If not, this might:

A.V. Club's 10 Best Short Story Collections of the 00's

2009-11-25T15:18:00.011-05:00

Short story collections and lists by the A.V. Club are two of my favorite things. So imagine my excitement when I learned that today those two things have, however briefly, commingled. I'm pretty disappointed that Dangerous Laughter didn't get a nod, but the whole fun of best and worst lists is choosing the degree to which you agree/disagree/don't care. Anyway, it's hard to feel anything but love for a list that features George Saunders and Kelly Link. Be sure to check it out!

Kanoti Sighting!: Ghost and pig in Third Coast

2009-11-18T13:40:00.004-05:00

Byron Kanoti has a kick ass poem in the most recent issue of Third Coast. I'm a huge fan of Kanoti's, and the poem in question (titled, Ghost and pig) is a pretty good indication as to why.

Chicago Reading

2009-10-28T11:30:00.004-04:00

Just a heads up: I'll be doing a reading on November 5th at 57th Street Books in Chicago. Click here for more details. The event is being put together by Ninth Letter, and should therefore be pretty classy. Hope to see you there!

New Short Story Trailer? New Short Story Trailer!

2009-10-26T14:49:00.018-04:00

Remember the other day when you were saying how you wish that Seth Fried's short story trailers would somehow involve stop motion animation? Well, your wish is about to come true. My new trailer is my most stop-motioniest to date.

The animation is by no means good, but - like a Mother's Day gift constructed out of dry macaroni and colored paper - I submit to you the notion that it is the thought that counts. Also, I refuse to apologize for my penmanship.

Misery of the Conquistador is forthcoming in StoryQuarterly:

In case you're curious, here are the materials I used to create this trailer:

1.)One drawing of a conquistador
2.)One digital camera
3.)One upside down stool converted into a vertical camera mount
4.)One felt-tip pen
5.)Five sheets of computer paper
6.)One freeware 2-D animator, which magically didn't install a virus onto my computer
7.)One unflappable desire to create a short story trailer for the ages

One more thing, you can check out all my short story trailers on my youtube channel.

Life in the Harem

2009-10-10T18:42:00.005-04:00

I'm excited to announce that a story of mine called Life in the Harem is going to be appearing in Tin House. A lot of details are still pending, but for now I encourage you to kick back and enjoy the short story trailer that I whipped together in honor of this excellent news.

I'm pretty sure everyone is going to love this trailer. By everyone, of course, I am referring to people who spent the mid to late 80's playing video games.

Oh ...

2009-10-05T18:55:00.004-04:00

I just googled the phrase "short story trailer." I guess I didn't invent it. To be honest, I'm kind of relieved.

Somebody should invent the short story trailer. Oh wait, I totally just invented the short story trailer.

2009-10-05T18:14:00.007-04:00

Book trailers are pretty big right now, but do you know what's going to be even pretty bigger? You guessed it: trailers for individual short stories written by people who don't have books yet.

Check out this one that I just put together for my upcoming McSweeney's story:

On a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being I take this video seriously and 1 being I am actually aware of how ridiculous it is), this trailer comes in at about a 6.

The Better of McSweeney's, Volume 2

2009-09-27T13:19:00.006-04:00

Just found out that a story of mine is going to be included in The Better of McSweeney's, Volume 2. I'm pretty happy about this, because a.) it's an honor and b.) it means that my first published story, Lie Down and Die, will be making a triumphant return to print.

"[...] like a lump, like a clot, like a blockage: the sensation that you are here but could not be here, in a world that could not be but is."

2009-09-25T15:25:00.008-04:00

Currently reading Mr. Palomar by Italo Calvino. Fun fact about what a spotty reader I am: I consider myself to be a huge Italo Calvino fan, and yet had never heard of this book until a copy of it was mailed to me by a concerned friend.

Adding to my readerly shame is the fact that this book rules. Anyway, without wanting to get into a whole thing here, I guess what I'm saying is that you should probably check it out.

Brent Van Horne in The Madison Review

2009-09-14T15:31:00.013-04:00

From the above photograph, it's safe to assume one of two things: 1.) Seth has kidnapped himself and is attempting to prove to the authorities that he was still alive as recently as Spring of 2009 - or - 2.) He finally got his copy of The Madison Review's latest issue, which features a fantastic story by Brent Van Horne.

Van Horne is pretty talented and has publications popping up all over the place (you can find his work in Fugue, New Orleans Review, and Sou'Wester). Van Horne and I have gotten into the habit of riffing on each other's work. We've also been kicking around the idea of writing a collaborative story. It's too early to tell if that's something we'll actually do - but, if such a story does get written, it's probably going to be the literary equivalent of this.

In addition to being a kick ass story writer, Brent is also responsible for making this blog look nice, a responsibility that he has taken on for no discernible reason as there's absolutely no way I could ever pay him. Plus one time I accidentally dumped a whole beer onto his carpet, which was pretty much brand new (the carpet, that is ... though the beer was new too).

Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre

2009-09-01T07:43:00.018-04:00

My issue of One-Story is currently available. You can grab a copy of the issue here or, even better, you can subscribe to One-Story here. I'm also pleased to announce that One-Story is now available on the Kindle.

If you had told me five years ago that one day people would be able to beam a short story of mine into their homes by means of a wireless device, I would have thought it was only a beautiful dream. And while I think the good people at Amazon might be flying a little too close to the sun in this regard, I refuse to stand in the way of progress.

Also, if you would like to enjoy a free copy of my story over some world-class Japanese cuisine, then check out this post by Pei-Ling Lue for details.

My thanks to everybody at One-Story, especially Pei-Ling Lue and Hannah Tinti, for this incredible opportunity. One-Story is a mind-bogglingly cool enterprise, and I'm pretty honored to have gotten the chance to contribute.

Forthcomingapallooza

2009-08-17T16:48:00.032-04:00

Some stories are on their way! Right now you can check out an excerpt from Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre at One-Story.com. There's also a quick Q&A with me. My answers are all lame, because I am a genuinely lame person. But if you're looking to have your socks rocked off, you should check out One-Story's archive, which includes interviews with Stephen Dixon, John Hodgman, Kelly Link, and many other awesome writers.

I also have a story called Those of us in Plaid forthcoming in McSweeney's #33, and a story called The Misery of the Conquistador forthcoming in StoryQuarterly. However, unlike One-Story, there are currently no online excerpts for these stories. And, for contractual reasons, I probably can't put any excerpts up on this blog. So instead I have written an alternate first sentence for each story, both of which are included below:

The Misery of the Conquistador

"Wow, I sure am miserable ... for a conquistador," said he.

Those of us in Plaid

We realized from the very beginning that we were not like all those people who did not wear plaid, but that we were actually very different.

There you have it! No firm release dates for either, but - having tempted you terribly with these alternate first lines - I will make sure to do the decent thing and keep you informed.

"A haircut, said the Dead Father. I turned myself into a haircut [...]"

2009-07-27T11:17:00.009-04:00

I am currently re-reading The Dead Father by Donald Barthelme. You should read it too, because it's awesome.

I've prepared some questions that will help you discuss this book with your local reading group:

1.) What do you think Seth will read next?
2.) What do you think Seth does when he isn't reading?
3.) Where is Seth right now?

Speaking of me, I should have a short story showing up in One-Story very soon. Keep your eyes peeled!

Ninth Letter Spring/Summer Issue

2009-06-04T20:32:00.011-04:00

The Spring/Summer issue of Ninth Letter is out, featuring work by yours truly. The magazine has a great new look. You can check out some sample spreads here.

Thanks in advance for buying dozens and dozens of copies and throwing a series of really elaborate Ninth-Letter-themed dinner parties to which only your most good-looking friends will be invited.

Boswell

2009-06-04T13:24:00.006-04:00

Currently reading Boswell by Stanley Elkin. It's pretty fantastic. Elkin's work couldn't be more underrated if it tried.

Emerging! Writers! Network! Post! About one of my stories!: Grabby Subtitle

2009-05-31T20:32:00.017-04:00

Michael Czyzniejewski just wrote a ridiculously nice post about one of my stories for the Emerging Writers Network. You can check out the post here. This means a lot to me, and not just because my entire personality is basically a bottomless pit of attention-seeking behavior - but because I admire Mike's work a lot.

If you haven't checked out his book, it's fantastic. You should also check out this new anthology he's in, which also features Aimee Bender, Stuart Dybek, Michael Martone, Benjamin Percy, and pretty much all the people whose stories you want to rub all over your face.

Anyway, I've worked under Mike both as a student and as an assistant editor at Mid-American Review. In the process, he has taught me an insane amount about writing stories. Not just about craft stuff, but about how stories should fit into your life, and what you should be willing to risk if you want to write them well. In short, he's one of the good guys.

Also, a quick note about the Emerging Writers Network: this site is a lot of fun and is a great way to find out about writing you might not hear about otherwise. If you poke around, I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.

By the way

2009-05-29T22:12:00.008-04:00

Have you looked at the top of this blog lately? If not, take a gander. Isn't it amazing? Isn't it more than amazing? In terms of over all aesthetic, this new header makes the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel look like a brochure for satellite television.

Of course, I can't take any credit for it. It was put together by Brent Van Horne, who's a stand-up guy. Also, Van Horne has a story in the most recent issue of The Madison Review, which I will write a proper post about once I get my grubby little hands on a copy - but the story is bound to be fantastic.

That's all for now. Keep your eyes peeled.

Byron Kanoti on Kenyon Review Online

2009-05-26T15:21:00.009-04:00

The Kenyon Review has a fantastic poem up by Byron Kanoti. If you check my blog regularly, then I trust you've come to associate Kanoti's work with hastily photoshopped images made by yours truly. That's why above you will find The Kenyon Review's (slightly) modified header (you might have to click on it to get the full effect), which has been updated to address the fact that, after 70 years of publication, The Kenyon Review has finally become classy.

Seriously though, Kanoti's work is gut-punchingly good. It's the kind of stuff that makes you want to climb onto the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater and start dropping random junk onto 53rd street.

Blog Love

2009-05-19T18:07:00.015-04:00

In news that probably wouldn't excite a person with normal priorities, I've been told that Ninth Letter has begun linking to this blog on their blog. So don't worry, that funny feeling you got the last time you were on the Internet was just the stray vibes that resulted from Ninth Letter's blog and my blog falling madly in love with each other.

Suggested use:

1.) Go to Ninth Letter's blog and click on my name.

2.) Once you've clicked on my name and have arrived safely at this blog, click on Ninth Letter's name.

3.) Repeat these steps until your computer breaks, at which point you will be of no use to anyone.

Oh! And this also means, I assume, that Ninth Letter now endorses all the opinions expressed on this blog. Especially the controversial ones. That is a tremendous step toward legitimacy for me, as well as for my one-man campaign to disband the United Nations and replace it with a Scientologist think-tank.

Anyway, I should also take this opportunity to remind you that I've got some work forthcoming in the next issue of Ninth Letter and that I couldn't be more excited about it. Keep your eyes peeled!

Human Resources by Josh Goldfaden

2009-05-18T13:12:00.007-04:00

Do you have one of those books in your life which you read and loved, and which you told everybody about with the genuine hope that they would read it and love it too, but which, because your life is a mess and you moved twice and you're engaged in the Sisyphean task of trying to get a collection of your own short stories published sometime before you turn 30, you eventually sort of forgot about, but were then serendipitously reminded of and decided to blog about? Me neither. I don't really read.

Though, I will say that Josh Goldfaden's Human Rescources is awesome. I reviewed this book a while ago for Mid-American Review, and have been a big fan of Goldfaden's ever since. But it wasn't until I recently read an Ars Short Storica essay he wrote for Powell's that I decided he and I are essentially the same person. In said essay, he explains that he has a lot of trouble cutting dick jokes from his stories, and, as a result, I haven't felt this much camaraderie with an established artist since I realized Gary Shandling and I have the exact same bone structure.

You should check out the essay and the book. You should also check out my above-linked review, if you want to read me waxing serious about all the reasons I dig Goldfaden's collection.

Podcastapocalypse

2009-04-28T23:00:00.013-04:00

The Missouri Review's most recent podcast is a short interview with me regarding my story, Loeka Discovered.

My having participated in a podcast sort of complicates the fact that I don't know what one is. But my best guess is that all you Seth-heads who have been dying to cast me onto your pods are in luck.

Some points of interest that may enhance your listening enjoyment:

1.)In my brief snippets of audio, try to count how many times I say like, sort of, kind of, and a bunch of other things that are extremely similar to like, sort of, and kind of.

2.)In one part of my interview, I sort of, like, suggest that there isn't any use of scene in my story. Later, Speer Morgan, in the most diplomatic way possible, points out that I don't really know what I'm talking about.

So don't worry, Seth-heads! There is some use of scene in my story. I just meant that there's not any super, detail-rich scene-ish scene. That having been said, I'm still relatively certain that I don't know what I'm talking about.

3.)It may be interesting to know that, while listening to this, I skipped over that normal stage of self-consciousness in which a person says, "My voice doesn't sound like that! Does it?" Instead, I immediately launched into a bout of self-hate at the atomic level, in which I perceived my most basic elements to be intrinsically evil and wrong. Plus, I know for a fact that my voice doesn't sound like that.

4.)Everyone at The Missouri Review rules (special thanks to Caitlin Garing for conducting the interview, and to Speer Mogan for his kind words), and I'm honored they took the time to put this together. Also, my beverage of choice during the interview was a can of 7-UP that I stole from a mini-fridge in the Mid-American Review office. That same office may have also incurred the cost of a long distance call to Columbia, Missouri.

Paper Whistle Art Shop

2009-04-22T11:14:00.009-04:00

Before I tell you about the new Paper Whistle blog and art shop, I have to take a moment to congratulate my blog on its new, cleaner, cooler design, which I am 0% responsible for (it is the handiwork of the matchless Brent Van Horne). Also, I would like to apologize for the new recipe feature, which I am 100% responsible for, and which, despite all the evidence against it, I refuse to think is not awesome. You can expect more absurdist recipes in the weeks and months to come.

But on to more pressing matters: artist Brandi Strickland has started a new art shop and blog (linked above) along with designer Robert Bentley. The site looks amazing, and there's tons of great art up. I urge you to take a look. I'm pretty sure I've blogged about Brandi Strickland's art before, but, if you weren't paying attention, you should really check it out. Her work is brilliant, playful, and boundlessly cool.

Also, if you join their newsletter, you have a chance to win a free print each month. This month, it's a print called Everything That Can Be Counted, an awesome piece that shows Albert Einstein looking uncharacteristically thoughtful.

Recipes: Volume I

2009-04-21T16:53:00.008-04:00

Graham Cracker Soup

1.) Combine the following in a 15 gallon pot:
-Five gallons condensed milk
-Three cans tomato paste
-One pound chopped celery
-One whole, uncut cantalope
-Two ice cream sandwhiches

2.) Bring the contents of the pot to a rolling boil for 30 minutes, stirring continuously. Every 5 minutes, drop in one handful of dimes.

3.)Drop to one knee. Find your reflection in the side of the pot and scream at it in a purposeless rage.

4.)It is time to add the following to the pot:
-One tropical fish
-Two pictures of your father wearing a costume
-Five reams of paper

5.)Reduce heat and allow the contents of the pot to congeal.

6.)Crumble one graham cracker over the contents of the pot.
7.)Pour the contents of the pot into one business size envelope, and enjoy!

###

Garbage Raisins
1.)Drop one whole box of unopened raisins into a garbage can.
2.)Keep a detailed log of anyone who looks down into the garbage can at the raisins, or who tries to take them out.

3.)If anyone asks you what you’re doing, tell the truth.

Matt McBride in Issue Five of past simple

2009-04-16T19:20:00.019-04:00

Matt McBride has two fantastic poems in past simple five. Click here to check them out. This site is also pretty wicked in that you get to hear McBride read the poems himself.

If you like the stuff up on past simple, which you definitely will, that is, unless you're some sort of moral bankrupt, you should probably also check out McBride's chapbook, The Space Between Stars.

His work is totally startling and beautiful. You owe it to yourself to check it out.

The Third Policeman

2009-04-07T16:45:00.001-04:00

Currently reading The Third Policeman. Send porter.

An Origin of Water

2009-04-02T10:58:00.003-04:00

Byron Kanoti has an incredible poem in the latest issue of Arch, a journal put out by Washington University in St. Louis.

You can check out the poem here.

But if the promise of reading a mind-blowingly awesome poem isn't incentive enough to make you click on the above link, I've come up with a way to up the incentive ante: At the top of this post, you will find a cleverly photoshopped image. The first ten people to write and tell me what line from Byron's poem inspired me to photoshop this image will win the Grand Prize.

The Grand Prize is, of course, the personal satisfaction that comes from setting a goal and achieving it.

Brent Van Horne in New Orleans Review

2009-03-27T15:09:00.008-04:00

There's an awesome new story by Brent Van Horne in the most recent issue (34.2) of New Orleans Review.

The story is called Ascending the Mountain, and is pretty much the reason I wrote Loeka Discovered. You can order the issue with Brent's story here. And you can grab the TMR story it inspired here.

The stories have little to do with each other, but (and this is a personal guarantee) both prominently feature mountains.

Loeka Discovered

2009-01-26T18:49:00.003-05:00

There's a new issue of The Missouri Review out, featuring a story written by yours truly.

Click on the link above to check out the table of contents. And click on this link to see a brief description of my story as well as my author photo, in which it looks like I'm attempting to seduce a Martian robot in order to trick it into releasing me and my ship's crew so that we can get back safely to planet Earth.

Also, a helpful correction for my future biographers, there is an error in my TMR contributor's note. A story of mine was originally scheduled to appear in McSweeney's 30. However, it was rescheduled to appear in a different issue later this year. McSweeney's 32 is still little more than an educated and hope-filled guess. This rescheduling came to light only after my otherwise flawless TMR contributor's note was written.

Brandi Strickland at the Mahan Gallery in Columbus

2009-01-19T15:11:00.001-05:00

Brandi Strickland, whose art rules, is going to have some work at the Mahan Gallery in Columbus next month. Those of you in the greater Columbus area (Michigan, Indiana, Kentucky, West Virginia, Pennsylvanian) have no excuse not to go see it.

For details, check out Strickland's site here.

You should also check out her Etsy store. In this harsh economic climate, art is a great investment (I assume).

Ninth Letter

2009-01-18T13:21:00.004-05:00

Ninth Letter's Fall/Winter Issue just came out. It looks like it's going to be a good one. On an almost completely unrelated note, an excerpt from a series of mine, titled Animalcula, is going to be appearing in their upcoming issue. So now is a great time to get in the habit of reading Ninth Letter.

Elephants in Our Bedroom

2009-01-16T04:47:00.001-05:00

This book is a sure thing. You should buy it.

Pushcart

2009-01-15T23:13:00.002-05:00

A story of mine is listed as an honorable mention in the upcoming Pushcart Prize anthology. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that ever since I was a small child I dreamed that one day I would be listed as an honorable mention in an upcoming Pushcart anthology. You can read the honorably mentioned story here.

Under Construction

1998-08-04T22:46:00.000-04:00

Posts coming Spring of 2003