UPDATES

The Very Best Lines from my Unproduced Spec Script for Dodgeball 2

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” 

- Patches O'Houlihan, from the film Dodgeball

PATCHES: 

If you can still dodge a wrench, you can still dodge a ball. 

***

PATCHES: 

If you can dodge a shrimp cocktail, you can dodge a ball.  

***

PATCHES: 

If you can dodge an unusually large ball, you can dodge a regular-sized ball. I’m sure of it. 

***

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS – DAY.   

Wide shot of Berkeley campus.

SUPER: UNIVERSITY OF BERKELEY, 1969. 

MUSIC CUE: “Fortunate Son” by Creedence Clearwater Revival.  

PATCHES: 

If you can dodge a draft, you can dodge a ball. 

***

PATCHES: 

If you can dodge a Wilson brand torque wrench, you can dodge the ball Wilson from the major motion picture Castaway.

*** 

PATCHES: 

If you can bench a Dodge Charger, you’ll be invited to the Governor’s Ball. 

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PATCHES: 

The fact that you just dodged a ball tells me something about you. I don’t want to get into it now but it has something to do with wrenches.

***  

PATCHES: 

This ball is shaped like a wrench. It’s just a little something I’ve whipped up for demonstration purposes.

*** 

PATCHES: 

If you can dodge a socket wrench, you can dodge a ball joint.

***

PATCHES: 

Dodging screwdrivers doesn’t indicate anything, so stop asking.

*** 

PATCHES: 

If you can dodge a meatball, you can eat with a wrench.

***

PATCHES 

(lying nude on sofa) 

Dodge me, like one of your wrench girls.

***

PATCHES: 

If you can dodge two wrenches, you can dodge two balls. Dodgeball 2.


The Municipalists Trailer

Okay, folks! Time to put on your book trailer helmets. Check out this amazing trailer for The Municipalists by Julia Mehoke. The trailer is brilliant and features narration from Joshua Malina, who was recently certified by the American Treasure Institute as an official national treasure. Hope you enjoy it!

Nylon recommends The Municipalists

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Nylon magazine recently recommended The Municipalists in their roundup of 2019 releases. Here’s what they had to say:

It’s no coincidence that there’s an abundance of novels coming out right now that are set in a not-too-distant dystopian future, but there’s only one that centers around the most perfect, odd couple pairing I’ve encountered recently, and that’s Seth Fried’s debut novel, The Municipalists. That odd couple comprises an anal, anxious human bureaucrat and a snarky, day-drinking, yet lovable A.I., and the two of them have joined together to save Metropolis—“a gleaming city of tomorrow”—from an impending terrorist threat. If you’re a fan of Jane Jacobs, but can’t help but hiss and boo whenever Robert Moses’ name is mentioned, this is a must-read. Then again, even if you’ve never spent one day in a city, but are just someone who wants to laugh and marvel at Fried’s imagination and wit, this book is also for you. Really, it’s for everyone.

After a lot of soul-searching, I’ve decided to second this recommendation. You can pre-order the book HERE or wherever books are pre-ordered. 

Flute Earth

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My debut novel will be released in a few days. As that whole process draws to a close, I am excited to turn my attention back to my true passion, which is helping get out the truth about flute Earth. While many of us have been indoctrinated from birth to believe that the Earth is a sphere, the simple fact of the matter is that it is shaped like a flute.

Please consider the evidence:

1) That is why it is always windy.

2) Ever heard the expression "flute as an Earth"? That is because it is being deliberately hidden.

3) Stars are a concert audience. Thunder is them clapping.

4) Flutes are reedless instruments. Otherwise we would have noticed the enormous reed.

5) The pyramids were intended to be metronomes. 

Thank you for your time.